Long-distance relationships are great paradoxes. On one hand, tension and frustration build over time like a pimple waiting to pop at any second. You just can’t wait to be back together. On the other, once a separated couple is reunited (and it does feel so good), it takes a while before things feel normal again. After being used to going on one’s own, it will feel a tad unnatural to be once again ordering two beers instead of one at the bar.
These are minor things. The truth is that we couldn’t be happier to be back in each other’s arms. We’re vomit-in-the-mouth kind of happy. We’re so happy to be together again, we’re on the verge of coughing out rainbow-colored glitter. And I’m not just saying this because he will probably get to read this.
Before we reunited with a slow-mo video montage of hugging each other at the beach during sunset, it should first be known that we accomplished the almost inevitable — a Skype Relationship.
Don’t let the miles come between you: Get a decent Internet connection.
For those who are currently in long-distance relationships, hang in there.
For others who are preparing their broadband connections for long nights spent on video calls, allow me to give you some advice on keeping relationships through Skype:
1. Establish trust
Like a master teaching a lion to jump through the hoop, you will not be able to succeed in doing the impossible without building trust.
Investing your emotions in a non-physical relationship is a big deal, and there will be battles fought over insecurities (yours and your beloved’s) that need to be overcome. When trust has not been established beforehand, little things like forgetting to call before going to bed get blown out of proportion. In long-distance relationships where communication is of prime importance, trusting in your partner keeps you sane when you don’t hear from him for a day or two (a week without news is a little too much and this merits a long e-mail demanding an explanation, I tell you).
2. Get a decent Internet connection
There’s nothing more frustrating than a crappy Internet connection when speaking to your boyfriend that you haven’t seen for 10 months. Hearing only smattered bits of speech coupled with frozen images of a video stream is quite annoying, and if you’re impatient like my boyfriend and I are, you’ll probably develop some rage issues over this.
I do not lie: I have not heard my boyfriend spew out more putains and merdes than when Skype tells us that they’ve detected a problem in our connection and need to get the call back. I usually blame it on his Internet connection. But in hindsight, French DSLs are 20x faster than standard Filipino ones.
Investing in a trustworthy broadband may have saved my relationship from some embarrassing and unflattering frozen face photos and frustrated fist pumps directed at the computer screen.
3a. Make a show schedule
One of the hardest things about being in a long distance relationship is keeping up with the time differences. For unfortunate Euro-Filipino lovers like us, catching each other at decent times of the day usually involves waking up extra early or staying up until ungodly hours of the night.
With a seven-hour time difference, I either saw my boyfriend leaving his house to get to a party or briefly spoke to him s**t-faced as he came home from one. For my part, I was either asleep or asking to go back to sleep whenever he would call.
As seeing each other in half-zombie states did nothing good for our relationship, we devised a schedule that allowed us to be decent human beings when speaking to each other. Late Sunday afternoons in Manila became our show schedule. That way, I was energetic enough to speak; and my boyfriend was also sober enough to hold a decent conversation.
3b. Don’t be annoying
What irks me most about other LDRs is when one or both individuals in the relationship restrain the other from having a normal schedule with constant texts and calls. One good check-up text does wonders for a relationship, while hourly inquiries leave nothing left for real conversations.
Reunited: The author and her once-long distance lover being vomit-in-the-mouth happy.
Make an appointment to speak and stick to it. Both of you will be more excited to see and reconnect with each other than when you are constantly BBM-ing the entire day.
4. Keep the camera rolling
I have a friend who was once on Skype with her boyfriend for more than 30 hours. They watched each other eat, work, watch television, and yes, one watched while the other slept — and vice versa.
While I cannot imagine myself on camera for more than two hours a day, I will attest that doing “normal everyday things” together on Skype does wonders for a long-distance relationship.
Sure, emailing and posting mushy little messages on Facebook help keep couples connected throughout their days, but it’s no-holds-barred snoring in front of a camera that keep separated couples solid. Not only will you feel more involved in each other’s lives, seeing each other’s facial and body language will also help you understand what is going on beyond words spoken. (Disclaimer: Unless it gives you a thrill, be careful of what you show on the Internet. You don’t want to be the next Kim Kardashian).
Sex scandal allusions aside, Skype is probably the best tool ever created to maintain long-distance human relationships. With more and more young people reaching for their passports as they prepare their résumés, the broadband-dependent Skype Love Revolution seems inevitable. Now, go get yourself camera-ready.
